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Traveling thru Israel prompted many experiences for me, and to make sense of them I have reduced them into two primordial experiences: thinking and feeling. Pretty basic.
I did a lot of thinking as we packed around the state of Israel and fed on education and information. I went to bed at night filled to a mental capacity that would somehow download as I drifted into sleep. I noted and reviewed these facts with our tour guides and tour books the next day. I tried to link together biblical myth, historical and geographical points as we zig-zagged throughout the state. The ancient past, the state of the “state” and the techie future linked together seamlessly as my daily immersion into Middle Eastern realities gelled. The daily exposure to this controversial country and its people evoked in me a new found and ample respect for the country’s abilities to stand uniquely bold in the face of its’ adversaries, both old and new, deserved and undeserved, and certainly even to itself, perhaps in some ways, its own best and worst challenge. This could have happened in another country by another name, but it didn’t and thus was a singular experience for me in Israel.
Now for the feeling. And for the “feelers” of the world, you would say, yeah baby, let’s rock (of ages). For the thinkers, bear with me. Anyone who knows me couldn’t say I am either one or the other, and by the way, I think I am more of a feeler! Even so, the feeling side is often muddled and confusing to me and I probably have a long way to go to sort all of them out. But as “feeling” pertains to Israel, it is a tangible experience that nudged me to look at my Jewish self. And thus the juncture that bridges the thought of Israel to the feeling in me: I did FEEL connected to something deeper, emotional, and even primordial there. I also felt it in Petra, (more on that later) Jordan. And by the way, often times in my own backyard. Perhaps you can call it a spiritual self. I would say it is THAT spiritual self that tells me I am part of the whole and the whole is made up of all beings, and under one creation.
Whether this spiritual self is Jewish or not, I don’t really care. I feel it, it’s there, and it does not dictate great ritual in my life except to stop and “smell the roses” whenever I can. It just happens for me when I can be quiet and at peace: with the animals, with nature, and most of all, with myself. Creative expression certainly connects to this whole (holy?) place and so that is where I mostly reside.
Perhaps my ambivalence towards Judaism results from growing up in a household with a Lutheran mother and a Jewish father. Mother converted to Judaism when she married Dad but swore that off when they separated. But as a child, Jewishness was more of a way of life as it existed in the form of a vigorous nod to a wonderfully colorful and quirky culture. Since this recent trip to Israel my heretofore shallow Jewish roots seem to have plowed through to a deeper appreciation for Judaism as I examined the literal path of the Old and New Testaments; the struggle of the Palestinians up to the 20thcentury; the plight of the Zionists and special armed reserves like the Palmach; families affected by the Holocaust and the great Yad Vashem memorial; and the current pursuit of a two state solution; and the constant evolution of a people who have struggled to keep intact a vast and rich culture. This is where THE FEELING becomes a kind of pride.
Kind of, because I hate to make this about ego. After all, I personally I had nothing to do with the development of Israel. My karen ami pennies could not have made the kibbutz’s thrive when they did, and water the “bread basket” that fed so many, and provide enclave for the Israeli defense industry. But the way I see it, they were little pennies that made bigger pennies, and little prayers (quiet awareness) that mark bigger prayers (louder awareness) so that one ripple creates another and so on. You gotta give the people credit: at the very least Israel can offer its lessons and elements about it can serve as a prototype or model that other countries which struggle with similar challenges might emulate.
I swore this blog would not get socio-political and dear reader, it never will. But I have to appreciate the accomplishments of a people, despite religious motivation, (without condoning fanatacism), and in this case it happens to be anyone who worked hard to create a thriving, self-sufficient country. Is that because of Jewish roots? Does it result in a Jewish state? For those who want to think so perhaps, and for some it may STILL be the only motivation for a “machine” of a country that operates like a Swiss clock. Again, I personally don’t care. Anyway, my bet is the term “a Jewish state” will morph in definition and reform with natural evolution as new generations are born and the world becomes smaller and concessions and growth occur.
As for my personal morph and growth, a noticeable shift has taken place in my head and heart as I become more capable of truly appreciating the hard work (understatement) and resolve (to the ninth) of a singular people who accomplished what they set out to do. Sometimes you DO have SEEit to BELIEVE IT. Kudos, Mazel Tov and Namaste. That’s all I will say about THAT and ALL THIS leads us dear reader to the final installment PETRA….
MY MUSE 
