THE REMAINS OF THE DAY     

DREAM:

I am working with Steven Spielberg in some creative capacity. We are ensconced in a craftsmen-like bungalow, the interiors of which are painted with grey green walls contrasted by reddish teak floors. The lighting is ambient but for a spot over the long worktable where I am working at a storyboard. Spielberg appears as a silhouette. Quiet classical music is playing, perhaps Bach. I look up from the worktable to announce, “I have to go to the bathroom.” 

“Number One or Number Two?”  SS asks with authority. I sense he has asked others this question before.  He steps into the spotlight and comes into focus wearing round, dark tortoise shell glasses, a beard and holding a pipe in his hand. He looks like himself but with fuller jowls.

“Why, does that matter?” I inquire, and blurt, “Well anyway, number two.” I surprise myself with my candor.

“Okay then. Since it’s Number Two you have to go here.” SS motions to the floor with his pipe.  “I have a special blanket just for these occasions.”

Occasions?

S.S. goes to a beautifully polished seaman’s trunk and pulls out a blanket that is essentially one big diaper.

“Go here.”  SS says not rudely, but just matter of fact.

“On it? In front of you? Now?”

“Yes. Go here. I won’t watch. I’ll leave.” I appreciate the brevity of his instruction. He exits through a glass paned door to a vast green garden with palm trees and a variety of foliage. It looks like my own garden in real life, a source of pride and joy. Once SS is out of sight, I squat and poop onto the diaper-blanket.

THIS IS VERY OUT OF CHARACTER OF ME.

Now what?

I have to get rid of it. I loosely wrap it up, much like a homentashen. (A homentashen, is a baked good with three upturned corners with a fruit content peeking up through the middle, usually poppy seed, prune or apricot). I have packaged “my” homentashen-blanket-thingie neatly and efficiently. It is just like me to attempt to make something attractive out of something…unattractive. The homentashen “contents” peek thru the top. I slide it under a nearby bed so it cannot be seen in the shadows, the place where monsters sleep…

Despite the “package” being out of sight, I am concerned Spielberg will see it when he returns. Even though he might want to inspect it, or maybe even have an expert inspect it. (A scatologist?). I must not let that happen.

Now I see the worktable is gone. The place of the “act” took the place of the worktable. Does this mean the assignment is complete? No more work to do?

I think about these things for a while, and wonder if Spielberg will return any time soon.  Maybe I have time to get rid of my “stuff” before he returns. I don’t want him to see it. If he asks to see it, I could always say it didn’t occur to me to keep it.

But, after all it is mine, I can do what I want with it. I do not need to defend my actions, nor my stuff.

Now I really want to get rid of it, and I think maybe I will dump the homentashen into a real toilet if I could find one. I see a hallway and assume it is the way to the loo. I choose not to schlepp it to the loo. I don’t want to carry my stuff around if I don’t have to.

The loo’s toilet is very messy.  It is in need of a good flush.  I can’t bear to look at it. I gag and leave the room. I don’t want to put my stuff there. It’s too gross.

It is then in my sleep that I consider what is going on.

Here’s what I know: I am coauthoring something with Steven Spielberg, perhaps one of the greatest creative thinkers/artists/filmmaker of our time. His cinematic archive has left its indelible impressions on all of us, perhaps like: the whole world. These references have left deep and bold markings—useful and not useful—on our collective psyche. Seminal Spielberg has shape shifted so much of our popular culture. I don’t always love what he does (a lot). IN truth, some of it is just plain banal, but well done banal.  Still, he is a genius. So….

Why am I in a dream with him? Why is he significant? Why didn’t he return to see my homentashen?

Spielberg told me where to “go” and I listened. I defecated on the spot. Why would I feel comfortable enough to do that? I wasn’t: Good girls don’t do that! Even more so, how could I defy simple rules of civility? Nonetheless I did what I had to do. SS told me to and I trusted the process.  It was a test and it was up to me to do it. To do-do it!

Though I’ve never thought of it before I think Spielberg could physically stump for Sigmund Freud. In this dream FOR SURE Spielberg is Freud. Who better to signal the message in a dream about physically relieving oneself than Freud? I mean Spielberg, I mean Freud.

In this case, it seems, my “higher” subconscious (housed in SS/Freud’s entity) is telling me, myself, not to be afraid of creating a mess, as it were, and just do it. Spielberg/Freud is asking me, Lexie, are you willing to look at your “crap” in order to release the best of your creativity?

As I have, you can further understand the significance of poop in dream context by picking up “The Dreamer’s Dictionary for the 21^st Century” by Kelly Sullivan Walden. This book is very useful if you have vivid dreams as I do.  (Ya think?).

“Dreams of feces signify that you are releasing and letting go of what is in the way of your being fully in your power.”  Walden continues about "mind-body-spirit cleansing", and then, “… you are moving into a powerful time in your life.”  AHA! “To be truly creative is to be personally empowered.”  AHA AHA AHA! (To the boom box!). Yeah baby! I AM SO READY!

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The homentashen dream is a very quirky dream. But it possesses elements that are often camouflaged by metaphor. After “waxing” on this dream for a while I determine it is a message to myself about overcoming my self-doubt, or despite my doubts, to take a risk. With the risk, like ancient rites of passage, I will “cleanse” in order to be clear, to be in my maximum creative mode.

What is most unique for me in this dream is that I take a giant risk that goes against all rules of civility.  The result of which, and perhaps the point of all this is that one cannot grow as an "artist" if one does not look at one's mess!  I must look at my mess in order to develop personally and hence, creatively!

BTW: My mess includes doubts (am I good enough?). Fears (germs, disorder, crowds, overdue bills). Lousy habits, (too much alcohol, shopping, tardiness, and unreturned phone calls). Anger management: (oh shut up!). Admittedly at times I suffer horribly from an oh so very dark side, which includes, but is not limited to, self loathing.  I think this dream is victorious as it forces me to examine my own mess.

My response?  Better take the challenge. What have I to lose? I am willing to engage further self-examination in order to effusively create even if some of it is crappy.

Maybe I can go back to sleep and dream that I pull the homentashen out from under the bed and take a penetrating look. That could be a good start. Or maybe sharing this dream is a fine enough beginning.

 

 Helpful tips for dream interpretation:

1.) Before going to sleep tell yourself to remember your dreams.

2.) If you can wake up without an alarm you will have better dream recall.

3.) When you wake try to remain in bed with your eyes closed. Stay with the feeling of the dream, mentally reviewing the images, the narrative, your own library of symbols and metaphors.

4.) Write it all down. Don’t edit, just record what happened in the dream, including vivid details, emotions, characters, locations and corresponding associations that might be happening in your life.

5.)  Interpretation.  Bear in mind that most everything in the dream, including other people, is a reflection of your self.